How I Loosened the Reigns in Motherhood

So I was up late last night doing homework, when my husband, Nathaniel, and I’s wedding song began playing on my Spotify playlist. This made me reflect on everything that my husband and I have been through together. I realized how much he’s helped me with the many tasks and challenges that I have. While counting my many blessings, I came to the realization that I initially denied a lot of my husband’s help when Isaac was firstborn.

In my head, only I knew how to correctly wash the many onesies and burp clothes that we had.

Only I could clean his nursery because I knew where everything went.

Only I could properly swaddle Isaac because everything else was wrong.

After my son was born, the nurse came in to discuss what we should do once we were discharged from the hospital. She briefed over the usual: no heavy lifting, no intense exercising, etc. However, one thing that she said at the end made me gulp. She told us that I needed to rest and shouldn’t do much for a couple of weeks. Umm…excuse me? I had laundry and cleaning to do! I guess my facial expression said everything because she looked at me and sized me up.

“You’re a get-it-done type of girl, aren’t ya?” she asked.

“Well, sorta…” I sheepishly admitted. I always wanted to be a laidback type of girl who went with the flow and rolled with the punches, but I definitely AM NOT that type.

“Honey, let your husband help you,” she said, “loosen your reigns and let him do things for you! I was the same way when I had my first child. My husband would always try to do things for me, and I would always quietly go around and fix things to be the way that I wanted.”

“One day, he just stopped,” she continued, “I asked him why he suddenly wasn’t giving me a hand. He said, ‘why bother when you’re just going to do it your way anyway?’ I realized at that point that I would need to suck it up and let him do things his because I really did need help.”

“It’s hard doing everything on your own,” she said with an understanding look, “But you have to admit that you have your way and he has his way. Neither is better, and neither is worse. You just have to accept that things won’t go the way that you want.”

This conversation has been so impactful to my perspective on life. I feel like so many other moms could find relief by loosening their own reigns in their households.

There are so many different reasons as to why mothers struggle to give up control, but I can name a few.

All mothers are allowed to accept help. Why? Because we need help. There’s a reason why the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” is still commonly said today. Mothers can be nurturers, but they don’t have to be the only ones doing all of the nurturing. Husbands can help. Family members can help. Friends can help. Not only does this lighten the load off of the shoulders of mothers, but it also benefits the child by giving them a variety of role models to look up to and learn from.

Mothers should accept the help that is offered to them. They shouldn’t feel like they have to pretend that everything’s fine and under control 24/7. Being in control becomes tiring, and even the most on-top-of-everything moms need a break or assistance. Don’t worry about feeling like a nuisance or feeling guilty or shameful, there are always people who genuinely want to help!

Know a mom who struggles accepting help? Share this post!

Are you a mom who used to be in total control? Tell your story in the comment section below!

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