Damsel in Distress

Yesterday I set up grandma’s emergency fall button.

I can tell there is more that goes along with the conversations that are being had than what I’m being told. As has been the case my entire life, it feels like my family is trying to hide an ugly truth. They have always tried to hide me from the darker parts of life. Its probably the reason I am so interested in uncovering them.

Usually when I suspect my family is doing something, its actually something I am doing but projecting on them. I don’t think this is an exception, and since I can’t know what people won’t tell me, the only thing I can do is figure out what I’m hiding. What conversation am I avoiding out of a fear that it won’t go well? Or perhaps, what conversations have I had in the past that I felt were incomplete? I can think of a lot of them actually and most of them involve men.

The men in my life were abused as children. I was thinking yesterday about how badly little boys were treated only few decades ago. It was acceptable behavior for humans to hit other humans, and the weakest would beat up the children. Girls didn’t have it much better, but both my dad and my grandpa have expressed to me that they had to protect their little sister from the beatings. There was a general consensus that boys saved girls. Imagine the amount of pressure that puts on a little boy? I mean I get it, boys (on average) grow up to be stronger than girls (on average), but it doesn’t make the badge of honor any lighter.

There’s a lot of anger towards the feminine in my energy field that I’ve only just begun to heal. I sense what seems like a desire to shame her. I know I’m personally not worthy of such treatment, but I understand where that is coming from. I can see the little boy sitting in isolation clenching his fists while tears stream down his face. I know he has developed an attachment to his thoughts because no one has helped him learn to process his emotions. In fact, he may as well be learning from a pack of wolves when his mother bites and scratches him out of rage. You might think this story is an exception, but it was all too normal for children to be mistreated.

Then that generation of abused children went on to raise children and now we have a generation of children that are never wrong. Parents and teachers used to be on a team against the children, then through the 90s and 00s, the parents and children were on a team against the teacher. Of course now, the Children and the Teacher are on a team against the parents; decades and decades and decades of unprocessed trauma evolving and getting worse. Instead of “healing the inner-child” we’ve just been trying to give it more power to be a tyrant, just the same. Impulses of children are running the world.

I thank God for the ability to see these things from this perspective. I’m grateful to be capable of such deep compassion and empathy. I honor the Divinely Feminine and the Divinely Masculine within me. I see the duality and I see how they come together. With this ability to dissociate from being offended, I can see within others when that hurt is present. I can see that they actually feel that way and I know its about something much deeper than that which is being presented. I was inadvertently trained to detect these things.

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