Collective Introspection

Sometimes you find yourself feeling very new Those days tend to seem a little blue But that’s magick screaming at you To embrace the humility behind your rues Inspect your mind for the colourful…

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How To Make It Through a Long Middle

Have you ever paddled a boat across a lake?

That may seem like a strange question. But if you have, you’ve gotten a great picture of what adventures in our life can feel like.

Think back to that trip many of us have made….

When we first set out, we’re full of energy and excitement, and the shrinking shoreline behind is proof we’re making good progress.

Fast-forward farther along, to the end of the journey, after all our hard work. We finally see the far shore coming into focus. We realize we really are going to make it — that the journey is a success. The satisfaction and excitement are palpable.

But in the middle section of the journey, the long middle, things can get hairy.

For one thing, the scenery doesn’t seem to change. We can feel like we’re paddling without progress.

And once we get away from the protection of the shore, the wind picks up. It pushes us off-course and stirs up the water.

Paddling hard against the wind and water without seeing progress, the whole feel of the journey starts to change. The adventure we were drawn into has turned into a tough slog.

Each one of us faces long middle times in our life.

You finished school and plunged wholeheartedly into a new job. Over time, though, you’ve seen the excitement fade, and now you struggle to engage with your work.

You married the person you love, yet a few years in the going has gotten tough. Change you want to see in the relationship seems like it might never happen.

The things you used to do for fun, things that felt easy and enjoyable, just don’t deliver like they used to.

Something has changed since the start of your journey. You look around, hoping to rekindle a sense of joy in your life, but don’t see anything promising on the horizon.

Whatever your middle passage, this is where we face the challenge of the adventure we chose. The sheltering shore is gone, and the elements are at their strongest against us.

We need help. We need resources. But not the ones we had at the beginning. The tools we need to cross the long middle are different then what first got us into the boat.

To make it through the middle part of our journey, the two resources we will need are encouragement and recollection.

First hearing about them, it may be surprising that they can help us out, but let’s look at each one more closely:

Encouragement

I hope at some point you have felt the strengthening thrill of hearing someone call out encouragement to you. It is powerful and transforming.

If you have, maybe it was at an athletic event, or graduation ceremony, or even in an everyday moment.

Encouragement is a voice from outside ourselves that makes us stronger. It cuts against difficult circumstances and overrides the negativity our own minds can create.

I know of a former track athlete who experienced the power of encouragement during her meets. Her dad would stand in the infield while she ran the 800-meters — a race twice around the track.

Every so often he would call her name and say something encouraging — ‘Way to go!’ or ‘Keep going!’ or something like that. Simple stuff, but you could watch the effect: whenever her dad called out, her motivation was renewed and she would run a little faster. Encouragement = better performance.

If you’ve ever pushed yourself hard in a solo endeavor, maybe you’ve discovered another interesting fact: when no one is around to cheer us on, we can talk to ourselves and have a similar effect.

That may sound crazy, but it’s true. Try it sometime when you really need an encouraging word, and there’s no one else around to speak it.

Something about a voice speaking to us and spurring us on grows inner strength. It’s a strength we’ll need to get through the long middle, whether that’s a job, a relationship, or anything else.

The second tool we need to keep moving through a long middle is recollection.

Recollection

Each of us has something good to remember. The trouble is, we often forget.

Here’s an example. Think about the last time you were really discontented and impatient. Under those conditions, unimportant things become big, life seems unfair, and there isn’t any gratitude to be found for miles.

And yet, the reality is, every one of us has reasons to be thankful.

I got to wake up this morning.

I got to see a beautiful sky.

I ate food that satisfied my hunger.

I visited a friend.

Gratitude lists are popular ways of helping us remember. If we don’t go back to basics, over and over, then with time we forget. We lose sight of what’s real.

It may seem strange that we could forget basic facts about our life. Yet our experience shows that this really does happen. In the middle of our displeasure, we can completely miss the context of where we’ve come from and what we’ve been given.

This is a special sort of forgetfulness. It’s not like when we forget our keys, or forget the name of someone we once met.

This type of forgetfulness leads to a change in our mindset. It colors our thinking about life. It erases the good from our minds and emphasizes the negative.

Think how defeating this kind of forgetfulness can be:

If I lose sight of the help I’ve received and the gifts I’ve been given, if those things are completely out of my mind, then in the face of difficulty I’ll feel unsupported and alone.

If I feel like I’m up against the challenges of life without any help, I’ll tend toward anger (because I’ve been abandoned), bitterness (because I’m responsible for my losses in a lopsided battle), and fatalism (because my choices don’t change the outcome against a stronger opponent).

Forgetting our context when we encounter challenges makes us weaker and our obstacles stronger.

On the flip side, by recollecting, we return to clear-thinking. We come back to what’s true about our life. We see that we’re not in it by ourselves. We remember the gifts we’ve been given. We recollect that our choices do make a difference, that they can benefit ourselves as well as other people.

Recollecting is key to being able to persevere in difficult times.

How does all this connect with our calling?

It is quite possible that your calling will require you to stick with something longer than you want.

It could be something longer-term, like saving for financial independence, or gaining experience to prepare to move to the next level. It could be shorter too, like giving your workouts this week all you’ve got, or following up about something important when it’s easier to just let the issue drop.

The ability to cross the long middle can make all the difference in reaching your goals. You might be one long middle away from reaching your dream. The only way to tell is to make it through.

If you want to build up the essential habits of encouragement and recollection, here are some practical steps you can take:

1. Keep track of your inner dialogue. Figure out what you’re saying to yourself, whether its positive, negative, or neutral. In my experience we can be subtly discouraging toward ourselves through our self-talk.

2. Verbalize one encouragement to another person every day. If you make it a habit to encourage one person every day, encouragement will become a natural part of how you think and talk.

3. Once a week, or once a day, or however often you need it, stop what you’re doing and come up with ten things you are thankful for. The rule is: once you’ve started, you can’t stop at seven or eight — you have to come up with ten!

4. Create a ritual that reminds you of something good in your life. Maybe it’s looking at a picture of your family every day. Maybe you love nature, and your ritual is to go for a hike each weekend. Or at Christmas you could send cards to all your friends and neighbors. Whatever your ritual, it is a tangible reminder of something you don’t want to forget.

You can make it through the long middle. Encouragement and recollection will help you keep moving, even when the exciting beginning of your adventure is over.

Reaching The Far Shore

When my friend and I finally reached the far side of the lake, the wind quieted down and the water became calm. The shore was shaded by trees, and we pulled our canoe onto the grass. We had passed through the long middle and made it across. The ending was so much better.

Encouragement and recollection can bring us through hard times to wonderful places. These tools strengthen our ability to follow our calling by enabling us to cross barriers.

Collective Introspection

How To Make It Through a Long Middle

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